Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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