like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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