I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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