i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
