He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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