I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
