help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
