The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
