my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
