Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
