Don't make out with my wife yet
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
