anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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