It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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