Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
