You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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