I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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