please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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