i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
