the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
