hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
