Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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