i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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