i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
