I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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