also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
