last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
