I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
