My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
