As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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