did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize