dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
