We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
