just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
