just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
