I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
