take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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