I'm so fucking centered right now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
