I didn't shave. On purpose
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
