We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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