My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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