tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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