She is in my trunk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
