I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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