I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
