just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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