Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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