Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
