On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
