I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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