mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
