i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
barbara walters just said penis...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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