we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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