She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
