My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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