Just fell off a train. Bad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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