I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Small penises have feelings too.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
