Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
