North Korea, Best Korea!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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