I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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