My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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