All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
